Many people associate 'success' with striving to reach a particular material goal: a job title, a Martha Stewart garden, exotic vacations, or being in the right social circle. All around us, the media reenforces the notion that we need luxury cars and lifestyles to be happy and 'successful'. So it is that many people live with the constant sense that happiness is "just around the corner" -- after the promotion or the coveted invitation.
Unfortunately, this measure of success can cause people's sense of proportion (greed), as well as their sense of reality (what really matters), to go amuck. If you measure success by the trophies you collect, you may find your satisfaction short-lived. The energy of the chase can be exciting, but it's also costly, as other facets of life get buried or neglected. You may sacrifice genuine self-worth as just being Joe or Jane isn't enough anymore. And you leave play and spontaneity behind to become your role.
It's not surprising that at midlife, people may experience a 'crisis', finding themselves dissatisfied, empty, or confused. After achieving the success they were after, they realize that what they have isn't what they value most. They discover they've been working to support a lifestyle instead of a life.
But perhaps you already know that. You've focused on inner success -- on feeling good about yourself, on being part of a supportive community and developing your gifts, and feeling spiritually at peace. You've clearly developed a quality life, but you find that you've invested so much energy in being happy that you viewed external success as a distraction. And you've discovered that you can't get what you want because you don't have the financial resources to pursue your interests.
As usual, the answer lies somewhere in the balance. The glamor -- and glaring consequences -- of materialism have peaked, and people are faced with a plethora of choices. Opportunities for personal growth and contribution are limited as lives are spent surviving to meet only basic needs.
From a coaching perspective success is measured by what's achieved from the inside out. By recognizing the value of the intangibles of grace, balance and passion, as well as the comforts and pleasure of quality surroundings and material things.
How do you achieve balanced success? By being thoughtful, asking hard questions and having the courage to find the answers. By focusing on identifying your core values and orienting your life around them. By identifying your needs and setting standards and boundaries to meet and protect them. And by pursuing a purpose that's larger than yourself, one that's defined and focused.
You understand there will be trade-offs, and you let them be, as you deepen to truly value the challenge and the freedom that life gives each one of us to design a life as creative and imaginative and fulfilling as we can imagine.
What does success mean to you?
Kathleen Daniel, MS, L.Ac. writes about change and transition from the inside out, combining insights and experience from a life lived internationally, with a lifelong yoga practice and work as an acupuncturist, organizational consultant, educator, and life and personal leadership coach. She is an alumni of Johns Hopkins Women's Leadership program, and the creator of the Wellness for Women and Pausing at Midlife retreats. Website: http://www.aheadofthecurveatmidlife.com
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By Kathleen Daniel
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